I want to own up to these, the many mistakes I have made (you don't want to listen any more than I want to explain) and I will regret every second - every minute - that I spent on you. But I will never feel sorry for staring at the ceiling fan dreaming that I could make the blades go backwards. Did I ever really deserve this? you scream and your echoes burn side thoughts all over my hands (you stain them red, is it real was it deserved). forget me. only I need to remember (beacuse it's my fault, go on, I'll be the one to take the blame this time). and if I had a chance I'd do it differently, but I would never take it back. rotate and revolve. through wide eyes blind you keep screaming over the sobs... past split lips whining youre deaf to this mouth-around-the-bullet screenplay. does it make you happy to know your words make me want to cut my own throat. I meant it only sometimes, I just wanted you to be real. I don't want to be her, please not her.

(reflections of esp...)