August 24th, 2005 @ 1:56PM
I want to own up to these, the many mistakes I have made (you don't want to listen any more than I want to explain) and I will regret every second - every minute - that I spent on you. But I will never feel sorry for staring at the ceiling fan dreaming that I could make the blades go backwards. Did I ever really deserve this? you scream and your echoes burn side thoughts all over my hands (you stain them red, is it real was it deserved). forget me. only I need to remember (beacuse it's my fault, go on, I'll be the one to take the blame this time). and if I had a chance I'd do it differently, but I would never take it back. rotate and revolve. through wide eyes blind you keep screaming over the sobs... past split lips whining youre deaf to this mouth-around-the-bullet screenplay. does it make you happy to know your words make me want to cut my own throat. I meant it only sometimes, I just wanted you to be real. I don't want to be her, please not her.
(reflections of esp...)
April 29th, 2005 @ 3:07PM
April 25, 2005
I guess by know I should how how it feels to be stood up. I left the lights on, but I see only rain. Is this you kicking me? It never takes this long. I drag my feet across smooth laminate floors. There is dirt on my hands from cleaning the mirror. I want to reach for your neck, but I find only those of bottles (I love you this much). and it gets quiet while it gets dark and there are tears blocking out the view of the empty street. but if I never blink then they wont fall. but now I see you! and its back to worrying if my hair looks okay. please tell me thats you. is that you?
April 21st, 2005 @ 4:57PM
so tell me, how could another lie hurt any worse? why can't you just accept me for who I am and I'm dying for you to tell me anything, tell me how I broke you so I can fix it. I don't know why this has to be so hard... I'll never tell anybody again! I thought I would feel better but now I just feel stupid. And I don't have any words to console you because YOU'RE not the one who's crying and instead of feeling better, I just feel worse. I don't know how everything suddenly got so difficult! But what can I do when I don't even know what the problem is? And I didn't mean to glue a face into our wedding portrait and make you feel like there was anybody else in the picture... why can't you just be glad that I love you enough to be honest
February 23rd, 2005 @ 4:57PM
blah. today is cold and life is cold. I need to write more in my emo book, but I'm tired of writing about other people all the time. I can never say anything about myself that doesnt seem incredibly cliché. I just cant manage to write anything... I always end up giving all the shots instead of taking them.
if i kick and scream and pout and cry, will it all fall down?
February 12th, 2005 @ 6:30PM
Another slow winter Saturday is closing. This is my first day on DMusic. I'm still a bit confused about the entire process of uploading songs, but I think I'll get it. I recorded three songs last night and three tonight. I'm planning on using this website as a means of making it more convenient for people to download my songs. I'm stuck on terrible dial-up so it takes about ten years to send anything via MSN.
All of the stuff I've recorded was done with an incredibly shitty microphone and Sound Recorder, because as I mentioned, my family is not very developped or advanced in regards to modern technology.
Well, if you can excuse me, I'm off to go explore the many crevices of this site.
